Well I think I'm about ready to crack. I don't think that I can continue working full time at my overachiever white collar job and be a "full-time" student. And plan a wedding, and live with my brother, and maintain relationships with friends, and get rid of my credit card debt, and have some down time, and sleep. Yeah yeah I know, everybody's got a list of commitments in their life that is huge, but the fiance is bugging me about if work and school are too much, and I think she's probably got a point.
I'd have to be crazy to give up my good paying job, especially in this economy. But that was the plan from the beginning anyway, and I just may be crazy. I'd also have to be crazy to postpone where I think my future is heading if I'm so discontented in my present. But unlike the government my budget will balance. (Student loans excluded for sanity)
There really is no one individual thing that is overwhelming, but the sum appears to be a bit much. This class isn't all that much work really, but I just cannot devote the time to it that I feel the content deserves. I would really like to get into fiddling with podcasting and wiki's and webpages, but I'm too busy making hay while the sun is shining. Sigh.
I do feel like I have multiple good choices in front of me, I just need to commit more fully to fewer of them. I don't know what kind of job I'd get if I quit mine, UPS? tutor? Are there jobs right now, that might not be a good assumption.
Alternatively I could postpone the school and pay the credit cards off, focus on my upcoming marriage and the missional community that I value being a part of. That makes a lot of sense too, but when would I go back to school?
I'll probably try to slug it out through at least this next term and postpone the decision. But is the week before our wedding the best time to quit my job? I think that would go over like a lead balloon, in fact it already has. Could I finish the more academic courses and pick up with the practicum and the student teaching later?
Is it ethical to continue working at my company where they expect me to stick around for at least a few years if I plan on quitting sometime around may-august? I struggle with that. I guess that is my most preferred option, but knowing that I get even more easily discouraged at my job today. Why not quit tomorrow if I'm going to soon anyway? It is a position where to be effective I need to be more emotionally engaged than that, and I believe that my effectiveness is greatly reduced by my doubts concerning the future. I'm not very good at bluffing.
It's the circle of life, and it moves us all.
2009- Where did it go?
16 years ago
1 comment:
Hang in there Luke! I know it's tough to juggle it all. But this is the rest of your working life we're talking about. I have endured the last three years in a job I despise-a job that I've quit once already! I sometimes think about the time I wasted before starting this program because I was afraid of how hard it would be to juggle work, school, and family and because of FEAR, I waited four years. My point is, there is never going to be a RIGHT time. There are always going to be competing priorities and some are going to have to be put on the back burner, but if being a teacher is truly your calling, keep working towards that goal.
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